Fear – how much does it hold us back in life?

“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.”
-Japanese Proverb-

Not many of us like to admit it out loud to others (unfortunately) but common symptoms of fear are:

• backing away from initiative and motivation
• feeling negativity
• feeling pessimism
• lacking curiosity
• staying cozy in a comfort zone
• perspiration
• erratic heart beats
• feeling of limited or constricted breathing capacity
• trembling
• insomnia or sleeping disruption
• hot flushes or chills
• worry (patterns)
• feeling stressed

For sure I have faced some of these symptoms which have at times have been pretty off putting to say the least.  Sometimes I knew the reason why (classic examples:  giving a presentation, overwhelm in an uncomfortable situation(s), procrastination, cynicism, plus overindulgence in social media etc.)

This blog will focus on 4 types of fears – aka the big 4 fear GREMLINS!!!

(source Erickson Coaching International)

• Fear of dreaming

• Fear of failure 

• Fear of upsetting people

• Fear of conflict

My last blog was about the inner critic, and it can be considered there is some overlap. The inner critic seems a close ally to fear gremlins in that they both alert us to a perceived threat(s) – but there are differences.

Fear Gremlins in essence are more conditioned – types of habits and beliefs. They may stem from our upbringing, societal and cultural conditioning, external expectations, negative information sources, certain work cultures and environments and of course the ever famous social media…The following illustration needs no explanation on the types of many factors that I also allude to.

At times we don’t do ourselves enough favours or give ourselves sufficient strength, courage or self-worth etc. to see and deal with gremlins.

But, self-awareness of our fear gremlins can be golden keys, even treasures to move forward with less restraint and inhibitions to fulfil our dreams and get what we truly want out of life, despite possible adversity and uncertainty.

There’s no magic key but there are ways forward with awareness, conscious effort, action and patience. We can try to overcome these fear gremlins to feel safety and strength in:

• Our purpose and meaning in life which ideally should be as fulfilling, as bright as possible with shining moments and memories
• Feel connected emotionally and physically to achieve our goals with worthiness, self-belief and self-care
• Discover inspiration and vision for ourselves paving the way to impact positively those around us
• Planting meaningful seeds to blossom and flourish for future generations

If you have time and allow me, I’d like to ask a few questions for reflection:

1. What patterns of fear gremlins show up in your life?
2. What does success mean to you?
3. What are your key values that you cherish and hold close?
4. If you knew there was a 100 per cent guarantee you wouldn’t fail, what would you love to achieve and aspire to do? (Just for the record, to fail does not mean we don’t or won’t make mistakes – no one is perfect and we’re all here to learn!)
5. What’s your ideal vision of where you want to be in 2, 3 or even 5 years time? (or any time frame you wish)
6. How do you consider the “regularity” in suppressing your feelings and emotions in order not to displease people (co-workers, friends, partners, loved ones etc)?
7. How much conflict debt do you think you’ve built up? i.e. the amount of conflict you’ve avoided or denied in order to clarify or improve a situation for your betterment and/or those around you (co-workers, friends, partners, loved ones etc)?

Acknowledging and being aware of our fear gremlins – looking at what we can control and take responsibility for are part of the game changers.

Creating and making adjustments, unfolding limiting beliefs for example can go a long way to overcoming our fears. A reflection from the inside towards outside circumstances and influences. These steps can lead to momentum, and a journey where there’s no looking back (the gains –pride, joy, satisfaction and gratitude of life).

If any of this has sparked a tiny flame of curiosity or interest, I’d be more than happy to have a chat/consultation with the possibility to see if it may make sense and be beneficial to have a coaching partnership.